When do we talk about abuse?
You are a battered woman when your boyfriend, partner or husband
- He hits you, insults you, threatens you, humiliates you….
- It prevents you from seeing your family, your friends, your neighbors...
- she controls you, decides for you, harasses you...
- does not let you work or study ...
- it takes away the money you earn or does not give you enough for the basic needs of the family.
- she punishes you with verbal solitary confinement or does not listen to your statements.
- she constantly disavows you in the presence of your children, family, friends…
- he imposes the sexual act on you.
You must know
- What is happening to you is happening to many women in our country and in the world.
- Abusers not only come from marginal sectors, they can be police officers, lawyers, politicians, doctors, military, etc.
- It occurs in all social groups, regardless of age, social class, religion or race.
- The man who beats the woman uses violence to dominate and instill fear.
- The abuser is convinced that you belong exclusively to him and therefore he can do whatever he wants with you.
- The aggressor justifies her behavior by attributing it to the fact that your behavior is inappropriate, because you do not respect her wishes or do not pay her the attention she demands.
- You will begin to live pending their unexpected attacks of anger and behaviors that you will never be able to control.
- You should know that your attempts to manage the situation will be useless.
- You are not to blame for his lack of control.
- You are the victim of his frustrations.
The abuser
- He is not mentally ill.
- He constantly criticizes with the aim of creating insecurity and fostering dependency.
- He does not take responsibility for his violent acts or consider the problem as his own.
- He has great persuasiveness. With strangers he uses seduction to impose his criteria.
- He uses all kinds of strategies to achieve his only goal: to keep the woman from leaving or to come back to him.
- He attributes the problem to the victim's own behavior, family, work, socioeconomic situation.
- Outside the home he can be polite, cheerful, kind, seductive, attentive, respectful.
- He uses visits to the children to get closer to his victim and continue mistreating her.
- He always asks for a second chance.
- There is usually a history of violence in the family of origin.
- He will repeat his violent behavior in relationships with other women.
Forms of violence and abuse
physical violence:
- Hitting, hair pulling, slapping, grabbing, biting, kicking, bone fractures, bruising, twisting arms, pushing, attempting to strangle, causing abortions, throwing against walls, throwing objects, using weapons, burning, murdering etc.
sexual violence:
- Coercion to have sexual relations against your will. In rape there may or may not be physical force.
Psychic violence:
- Verbal abuse: Degrading comments, insults, humiliating remarks about lack of physical attraction, inferiority or incompetence, yelling, insulting, accusing, mocking, making humiliating gestures. Continued humiliation destroys self-esteem and seriously affects dignity. The battered woman begins to internalize criticism and ends up approving violence as "punishment" for her faults. It also includes threats of physical violence and verbal outbursts of violence.
- Emotional abuse: Related to verbal abuse, it aims to strip the victim of self-esteem. It includes the destruction of objects with sentimental value, deprivation of basic needs (food, sleep...), insistence on considering the victim crazy, stupid, useless. The effect is cumulative and its reiteration brings destructive consequences in the personality of the victim over time.
- Economic abuse: The abuser gives insufficient allowances for the maintenance of family needs and accuses the woman of not "managing" properly. It implies not participating in decision-making on how to distribute the spending of money.
- Social abuse: Includes abuse in the presence of third parties, control of external relationships (family, friends, phone calls). It includes constant monitoring of activities and causes the victim to self-isolate so as not to anger the abuser and avoid "exposing himself" to friends or family. The victim becomes accountable for each movement. The result for the victim is public humiliation and self-isolation.
If you are being mistreated
- Actions before a violent attack:
- If you can get out, go to the nearest police station and file a complaint (always ask for a copy).
- If the attack is unavoidable, try to make yourself a small target.
- Protect your face and head with your arms.
- Arrange with your neighbors a signal to call the police when you need help.
- If you cannot call the police or it prevents you from leaving, open doors and windows, shout, ask for help, call the neighbors...
DON'T SHUT UP
- plan the escape:
- If you have decided to leave home before another attack occurs, choose a time when the situation is calmer.
- Make sure that your attacker is not at home and if he is, try to leave the house without raising suspicions. Do not give information or indications of your plans, to avoid control.
- You must know in advance the places where you can receive help or have someone you trust.
- Go to the Women's Information Center and find out the help resources available to you.
- Prepare a phone list of friends, relatives, Police, Court, Women's Information Center, Social Services and keep your most important documents (family book, ID, lease, property deeds, Social Security card, credit card, bank receipts, number of bank accounts etc).
- If you don't have time, GO AWAY and don't worry about a thing. YOU DO NOT LOSE ANY RIGHTS. Your life and that of your children is the most important thing. Once outside, request specialized advice.
Where to go and what you can request
- Hospital/Emergency.
- Injury part.
- Request for protection order measure.
- National Police Station/Civil Guard/Local Police.
- Take the injury report.
- Make the complaint and request a copy of it.
- Preferably go to police stations with a women's service.
- Request a public defender in case of speedy trial.
- Request for protection order measure.
- Women's Information Center / Social Services.
- Information about shelter houses.
- Information about financial aid.
- Request for protection order measure.
- Night Court.
- Take the injury report.
- Make the complaint and request a copy of it.
- Request for protection order measure.
legal defense
- Go to the Women's Information Center. Here you will receive legal advice and instructions to request a lawyer if you do not have financial resources.
- In addition, your case will be followed up with the lawyer that you have chosen or that has corresponded to you ex officio.
- For any matter, consult your lawyer/whom should advise you, but the final DECISION on each matter is YOURS.
The Police/ The Judges
- Always read the complaint before signing it and demand that it include what you consider important even if it has happened before.
- You should only sign when the complaint says what you want it to say.
- If after filing your complaint you are not satisfied, you can request an extension of the complaint in which you state everything that you previously forgot.
- If the police station does not take you seriously, ask to speak with the Commissioner or with a higher-up in the operation. You can also go to the Duty Court.
- Whenever possible, report to the police departments created specifically for the attention of women who suffer violence.
- Request to declare separately.
- Don't be ashamed to tell your story to the police, lawyers, doctors or judges. You must tell him everything that happened, even if some details cause you embarrassment.
- Don't be afraid to ask what the terms or legal points they raise mean if you don't understand them.
- Read all papers carefully before signing.
The Doctors
- Pay attention to wounds and blows. You may have broken bones or cracks.
- It is convenient that the doctors see you to avoid bleeding or infections.
- Always explain to the health personnel the origin of the injuries. If they are serious, go to the Hospital as many times as you need and always demand an injury report. Keep these in a safe place.
- Ask someone you trust to accompany you
Be careful, he doesn't accompany you to the hospital! He will try to control what you say or make you appear nervous or unbalanced in front of the doctors.
What is a protection order?
- It is a legal resolution in which a judge establishes both criminal measures aimed at preventing further violent acts (removal...), as well as protective measures of a civil nature (use of the marital home, guard and custody of minors, pension for food,...) and social to avoid the helplessness of the victims (financial aid,...).
- The Order is quick and immediately activates the instruments of social protection.
- The orders have a specific term of duration, they can be extended or renewed, if the risks for the victim are evaluated.
- The Order can be extended to children. If you understand these, a copy should be delivered to the school and the management notify the teachers.
- It can be requested when there is a danger of being subjected to violent acts by your partner or former partner. You can request it through a model that will be provided in institutions dependent on the public administration (Courts, Women's Centers, Police, Social Services, Hospitals,...).
